Short quick notation.
My twitter is flooded with my thoughts and mindset right now just before bed as I still sit in a rather chilly room ( I am too lazy and cheap to turn the heat back on in this 30 degree night). While my username has stayed fairly much the same.. i've bounced domain and blogs like a rail car hopper for years. this text won't make sens to anyone but my BFF/Spirit Sister and to someone who doesn't know that WayBack Machine redirected me to their current webspace tonight.
in the end... the true message I just wanna put into the world thru this post is TIME. More-so than ever now as we are all supposed to be social distancing and going into a state of mind I have lived a lifetime of ( extreme introvert here, Hi!! Welcome! ).
Time will erode anything, alone or with help of nature. The most difficult thing to erode with time is thought and words said along with actions. In my past, many moons ago, I was put into a situation that both terrified me, hurt me, and made me bitter to people. From that event I left with only 1 friend left from that group, a driving promise to always make everything for my websites myself (guess why I haven't yet made Celix Productions. Com again), and a list of 2 people whom enacted the events that I felt wrongfully attacked over.
Washing our Hands of details cuz Hygiene (!!)
Tonight while poking nostalgic old laptop backups of my internet favs... I poked the last site I had found of the #2 spot of that list. Wayback Machine took to redirecting me to a page I didn't know of and that turns out was current. Within that page I looked at posts, blog posts mostly, and started to see behind the curtain. I started to get a feeling of catching up to the reality that there is no cut and dry in life and the #2 spot person actually was quite parallel in thought and feelings of me - albeit with much sadder and less supportive tones than even I had. I had my grandmother and the only friend I had and still have to this day thanks to the internet. This person was struggling more than me, having health issues, job issues, ect.
Tonight I basically was humbled and kicked in the face by the fact that even with little attempt of an ego... I still was a jerk to carry on with this person on the list. And while they are 100% unlikely to be following me or remembering me - I read their entries and feel so sad and wishing I could offer digital hugs at least. The best I can do, while knowing if they ever did get any alert of my presence - it would possibly result in a heart-attack or worsening their mood and life, if try to send warm positive energy the best my little hurt soul can.
And to hope my late night post can possibly radiate a message to everyone that we always think beyond ourselves or the situation. Carrying hate or general dislike now is still an attractant to Karma and also can easily rebound back to you being the one hurting someone else. All because you don't know the story or because while you assumed this person is getting on better than you - they are actually hurting and struggling worse than you.
be kind guys!! Again... I know this person will only see this if they feel some direct need to check up on me. I never changed my usernames (CelixDog) anywhere. I'm easy to find. If they do find this post or my tweets tonight... I hope that they read them and know how sorry I am for my past self's actions and assumptions. And I hope maybe they can tell me if the warm positives reached them or not. I don't have many I can offer - but I shall try to send some! :>
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