I really should have posted this prior to the news article idea I posted. Yet it comes to me as I wrote that how much fun it kinda is to try not to totally botch a written form. Especially one trying to be a news article.
But... I owe you ( what readers I do have) an explanation. The lack of Vocaloid Fixes or just posts in general.
in February this year, the grandmother I have lived with since as far as I can remember suffered 8 mini strokes overnight after I found her laying dazed on the floor after work. I should have taken her then.. not listened to her saying she was just cold and to cover her up... I will regret this first decision my entire life I feel. That morning after the finding of her, I woke and was about to go to work - I checked on her and found her attempted to get out of bed, yet she didn't get butt half way.
I called 911.. I followed her to the hospital in my car and I called off from work for the day.. 2 days.. 3 days... 4 hours later they did the MRI that would discover her 8 mini strokes from a fractured larger clot in her heart - the 8 small clots found their way to her brain. She underwent blood thinning and the Hospital after 3 days believed she was well enough to take to physical therapy and rehab in a facility within town which is mostly a old nursing home doubling as a rehab center. I believe being sent here was the first great nail to seal grandma's fate.
She slipped to near death and once starved of the drugs they had been giving her in addition to her normal drugs - she bounced back miraculously yet was kept on a Hospice status due to small traits like her sleep habits or walking issues. She only got 2 weeks of actual physical therapy initially due to her sudden slip in health. They never came back to get her rehabbed due to her lingering hospice status and while I was able to bring her home for visits - they wouldn't let her go home alone. Nail #2
She slipped again a few days before Thanksgiving more deeply. From a sudden cognitive loss and her legs failing her and on Thanksgiving I came to her with food I made from her own recipes to maybe cheer her up and yet she was just not there with us in mind. She ate some and said I did good.. :)
That was a hard day for me cuz I had hoped by then she'd be home... about a week or two later - she went unresponsive for about 2 minutes in the morning and came back if only thru oxygen and morphine. The days after that were clear she wasn't going to win this one so easily as she had in the past.
On November 30th, she passed at 1am while I slept to wae on the Friday to go visit her. I took off work on the assumption she may die soon and I wanted a day to spend with her - she wasn't able to wait for me to visit tho. To me and in my eyes - I lost a Mom, a Freind, and a partner in crime. I am now in my eyes alone in this world. My other family members exist and yet I just have had so muc of my life being with Grandma - it hurts. And in a way I guess it's healing to me as I write this with my nose getting stuffed up and water leaking from my eyes; all things I wasn't expecting as I wrote this.
Yet... about this blog.
As all hell was breaking loose in my life and I was trying to both manage money fully on my own and failing most of the time - and trying to do my job while also visiting her as much as possible. This blog took more than a back seat. It just stop existing for me. And I am sorry for those who do visit it and enjoyed the Vocaloid Fix posts and all - but she came first.
Now.. alone with about 2 weeks to myself in a rented house full of her things I inherited and must find homes for ( most will go with family out of state who also loved her). I find myself in my head alot and tonight a fictional news story came to mind I wanted to get out there and I again turned here. And found myself liking it and yet feeling this blog is in need of a new design at some point... and asking myself what do I want on this blog.
I have run out of Vocaloid video options ( sans the newer ones I've found such as K/DA and AI Kizuna) and honestly don't really have the feeling to continue them. I think 3 years is a good run. I want/need to go to my drawing roots; while easier said than done. So I will continue this blog in time.. possibly with a new design - and it will hopefully be an extension of my Celix Productions site with art and the like ( cuz we all know Tumblr is turning into a bonfire of drama ). It will take time and I know my little ad-sense I was getting ( mostly for the vocaloid posts) may go down, but I feel eventually there will be an audience. If not - then at least it's a security blanket of sorts for me and my creative urges.
Thank You and I apologize for the silence and know that every life is precious and that people you may not think much about are full of amazing stories.
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